Thursday, December 21, 2017


My psychologist and I talked about my suicidal feelings resulting from my feeling like a failure in the endeavor I’ve wanted and worked at since I was sixteen. He replaced the word failure with defeated, and I guess that’s a better fit. I’m trying so hard not to give up. Giving up would mean finding something else to feel fulfilled by or dying. I’m more inclined to dying. I have no faith in finding something else so meaningful to me. But I told him, I haven’t played all my cards yet and I will get more as I play them.