Sunday, December 31, 2017


2017 will be remembered by me as the year of getting ghosted and getting new therapists. I will also remember this year for its severe depression and for overworking myself at the office and writing to the point of exhaustion. I was advised by my doctors to slow down and do less. It’s the year I wrote 67,000 new words of Scribbling The Eternal this past year. Looking forward, I see myself next year with more books and fewer friends. It will be a good writing year. It will be a year of traveling abroad. So, without regret, goodbye 2017.

Saturday, December 30, 2017


I began reading Factotum in the morning, knowing it would cheer me up to read Bukowski. Later in the day, I decided to give a second try to reading The Turn of a Screw. I don’t know what it is, but there is something about Henry James’ writing that is so unappealing to me and makes him difficult to understand. It’s like talking to someone who coughs every three seconds. Maybe it’s the period. It is a spooky story though. I texted with Stitches, on three subjects she was rather unpleasant. She said I focus too much on my book.  

Friday, December 29, 2017


I was thinking about my post yesterday. It makes me miss Ian even more. I could always ask him my stupid science questions. I felt well enough today to go out to buy some groceries, but I know I’m not fully recovered, because of how exhausted I was when I came home from completing such an easy task. So I spent most of the day in bed again. I watched 12 Angry Men for the millionth time and I finished reading Outliers. I have to postpone the photo shoot due to budgetary concerns. I may seek out a new photographer.

Thursday, December 28, 2017


I remember vividly where I was sitting in my 6th grade science class when I told myself, “I don’t understand this.” As I advanced in grade my struggles in science classes only increased until I was overwhelmed and intimidated. The subjects interested me, but I could not grasp concepts quickly or remember previous lessons. Today, still in bed, I downloaded a short audiobook by Neil Degrasse  Tyson called Astrophysics for People in a Hurry. I gave it as shot. Within minutes I was confused. The book presumed its audience already knew what a quark and neutrino was. “Alexa, pause reading.”

Wednesday, December 27, 2017


Still bedridden. Fever has lessened, but returns when I get up and try to do things. When not sleeping, I passed the time listening to an audiobook version of In Cold Blood. I was awed by how deeply the story penetrates within itself while the writing style is simple. Isolated passages are not noteworthy, but when all put together it’s jaw dropping. It’s a kind of beauty I don’t think I’ve witnessed. By the time of the hangings, my death anxiety really kicked in and I had to take a pill. I’ve never taken a pill because of a book.