Tuesday, October 31, 2017


It’s Halloween and I left the office at 1 p.m. and came home and overmedicated again. I just want to feel numb and either stare at nothing or close my eyes. A new guy in our office asked me if I was wearing a costume. I was not. I’m doing a lot of work right now to get the Orly photo shoot underway and to develop new book covers. I received an email today from Publisher’s Weekly. They’re considering reviewing my The Scribbled Victims. I’ve been thinking a lot about The Fiances. We worked so hard to shoot that film.

Monday, October 30, 2017


I met with my psychologist today. I felt on edge, like I had more energy than I could contain, and told him I planned to go home and take a Klonopin after the session. I learned he doesn’t believe I am narcissistic as my previous two psychologists believed. I talked to someone whom I first met on VampireFreaks. She remembered The Vow and was hoping to see The Fiances. It made me want to cut that film together, but I still don’t have my hard drive back that has all the footage. I’m so annoyed, because I loved that film.  

Sunday, October 29, 2017


I slept in late because I knew if I started writing, I’d still be stuck on my second act problems. But eventually I got out of bed and took a hot shower and I had a breakthrough with the story. I don’t know why I always forget how conducive hot showers are for my imagination. Other than Hanh via Skype, I haven’t spoken or texted with anyone today. Something I like about Hanh is that she keeps photos from her previous relationships just like I do. Some of my friends don’t believe in keeping things, but they reflect my history.

Saturday, October 28, 2017


I know so many secrets. Many people have confided in me this week. I’m struggling today to layout the structure of a new chapter I’m working on. I think someone I know online is going to end up being a suicide within a few years. For my birthday this year, I’m raising money for ECPAT through Facebook. I need to get this Orly photo shoot taken care of ASAP. I want a brand new book cover before I submit The Scribbled Victims to BookBub and Kirkus. But scheduling conflicts are going to push the shoot  back until December or January.

Friday, October 27, 2017


An impractical new accounting policy was imposed upon my division at work. It creates more work and will slow things down. My boss is sick today. She doesn’t know about the new policy yet. I wrote her a long email explaining it and all its drawbacks, but in the end I didn’t send it because she is sick and it would only upset her. I left the office at around 3 p.m. and went home and, with some effort, I avoided taking Klonopin. I feel so cut off from everyone that I didn’t even think about it being Friday night.