Thursday, August 31, 2017

Friends


I’m annoyed with many friends. I have to beg many to read my books. I go to many art shows, band shows, and other performances. I buy their art. I participate in their crowd funding. I’m just venting. I know reading a book is a bigger commitment than going to watch someone’s band play, but I also only publish one book per year. I give away so many copies that remain unread. I’m tempted to prescreen those who want my patronage by asking if they read my latest book. I’m breaking my own rule of expecting too much from people.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Online

I’m 58 words shy of reaching 20,000 new words of Scribbling The Eternal for the month of August, and I got nothing left today. I still have tomorrow, so I’m pretty sure I will make it. I told my psychologist there were two things I wanted to talk about today, and by the end of the session, I realized they were one in the same thing. I need to go to work tomorrow. I have a 9:30 a.m. meeting. I don’t know if I will stay after that meeting though. I want to be alone, but connected to people online.


Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Rat


It's been a tough day for me mentally. Going to work was difficult. Work was difficult. I felt like I had no one to confide in with the things I wanted to say. I feel like I'm just one of another few million writers in the same rat race trying to distinguish their work from others. I'm trying every day to think out of the box, so to speak, and I've come up with some things, but it's not always easy. There are many paid services who solicit me but the ROI concerns me. I don't feel very confident today.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Needlessly


I elaborated via text with my bosses today with what is truly going on. I've been calling it depression just for the sake of not having to say more. I am suffering from my depression, but more significantly, this is about S.A.D. I should contact my psychiatrist, but I don't want a higher antipsychotic dose or an augmentation with something like aripiprazole. I've told Hanh more than I normally tell people, including recent significant others. I don't know if that was a bad idea. It worries her needlessly as there is nothing she can do for me. Talking doesn't help.