Friday, June 30, 2017

Worth


I was advised to look for other work to see what I'm worth. But even if I found more money elsewhere, would I leave? I've worked in a hostile environment before and it was awful. My coworkers get along for the most part and I love my bosses. I have so much flexibility in making my own hours. I feel respected and liked. I have a pension that will allow early retirement. I'd have to take out my piercings, but I was thinking about doing that anyway. But really, what would I do with the knowledge of more money elsewhere?

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Rereading


I didn’t sleep well because I fell asleep before the wildfires began and had my window open. I smelled the smoke, but thought it was my dumbass neighbor burning trash. It still smelled like smoke in the morning. I left work after six hours today. I felt drained. I came home and began rereading The Sluts by Dennis Cooper. I read it years ago. It was cool to come across a passage I highlighted. I see why it appealed to me then. It still appeals to me now, and that’s not always the case when I reread books I own.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Upset


I'm still upset. No surprise there. I didn't text with any of my friends besides Giggles today. I met with my boss for a long time. She needed to vent. We have an important meeting on Friday regarding our annual budget. I go to Palm Springs in a couple of days. I hope the change of scenery does me good even though it isn't that far away. I really need to write down all these thoughts Orly has been telling me. Hanh and I continue to talk on Skype. I'm going to help her with her English when we chat.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Channel


My heart hurts from one of the deletes yesterday. It's not because it might go unnoticed, but because it has come to this with someone I love. Why did she leave me without a word? What had I done? I need to channel this sense of loss into my book. It will help to fuel Orly. I'm making a gift for someone and she has no idea. I hope it will be ready to present in a couple of months. I don't know if she will love it. I hope so because I'm making it out of love for her.