Wednesday, May 31, 2017


I saw Jay tonight. It was my turn on Meal Train to bring dinner over. Her mother and son ate with us, but afterwards they went into the other room to read books and give us alone time. There are so many practical matters to attend to that I don't believe she's been able to grieve as much as she needs to. I worry she's not getting enough alone time because everyone wants to be there for her. It was sad seeing a note from Ian on a chalkboard that reads "I love you both." I'm glad Jay preserved it.  

Tuesday, May 30, 2017


I wonder if I'm missing out on life by not drinking alcohol. This comes to mind because I just saw something online of all these 30 to 40 year olds at a table raising a glass to toast to something. When there are toasts, I raise a glass, but I don't participate in the same way with water. I want to be healthy though, which is why I don't drink. But it's like my top priority to retire early now, despite financially getting less of my pension. Maybe I'm too extreme with wanting to be healthy. Maybe I should drink.

Monday, May 29, 2017


I'm building two stories in my head. Scribbling the Eternal, of course, but also a new Maddie book. I said something today in Maddie's BFF's voice and it made me laugh. It had to do with Jesus, or "the cross guy," as he called him. I doubt I'll actually use the line, but it was nice to get into that voice again. My mind feels so exhausted. I slept well. I went to boot camp but snuck out before it started. Maybe I read too much. My four-day weekend has been nice. I'm not looking forward to going back tomorrow.

Sunday, May 28, 2017


A friend picked a fight because a dream she had opened a wound. This friend is upset that someone I am friends with doesn't want to be her friend because of some things that were said. This friend texted 197 times. I replied 37 times. I had been structuring the second act of my book when the texts came and I was so put off by it that I couldn't continue writing. A pre-reader obstructing the progress of my book. I turned my phone off. I'm going to be less available when I'm trying to write, read or just relax.