Tuesday, February 28, 2017


All I’m ever going to be is depressed. I left the office at 7:30 a.m. and went back to sleep until I had to see my psychiatrist at 2:30 p.m. He isn’t accustomed to me coming in pajamas and sunglasses. He put me back on Abilify. He thinks it should work immediately to give me energy so I don’t sleep so much. It’s a small dose so hopefully it doesn’t impair my ability to daydream or flatten me out too much. Hopefully it will work. I can’t keep living to sleep. He wants me off caffeine so I sleep deeply.

Monday, February 27, 2017


I just bought crickets for Orlando. The woman at the pet store asked if I was enjoying my day. I answered, “No.” Awkward silence. I have to remember that most people don’t want an honest answer to that question, but on my way into the store, I was thinking about buying Nembutal. I’ve been thinking of Sarah and Ashley. Danielle’s mother passed away yesterday. I wish I knew how to be a greater comfort to her. I left the office at 9:30 a.m. and slept until 3:30 p.m. until it was time to leave for boot camp. I look fat.

Sunday, February 26, 2017


Today was nearly a repeat of yesterday. I forced myself to go to boot camp in the morning. I came home, ate and showered and then took a nap until 3:30 p.m. I forced myself to go out just so I would do something. I went to Starbucks with a book that isn’t particularly well written. I picked up prescriptions. I meant to get crickets for Orlando but the pet store was closed by the time I got there. I stood outside in the cold just to feel something. I plan to go back to sleep after I post this.