Tuesday, May 31, 2016


“One of my meds impairs my memory but I can’t remember which one.” I didn’t realize how stupid that was until I thought it. I hoped my psychiatrist would reduce my Prozac again even if it meant more Cymbalta, but he didn’t. I had my sleeves rolled up and he noticed my Wellbutrin tattoo and laughed. He said I think too much. My psychologist in high school said that. I told him I don’t think I can change that but he wants me to try. I shared one of the sources of my low self-esteem and it really hurt him.

Redd Walitzki

Monday, May 30, 2016


I went to boot camp at six a.m. and noticed I can sprint longer than I could just a week ago. I read while waiting for Stitches to wake up as we talked about having lunch. We went to a restaurant on Sunset within walking distance from her place. It was decent but expensive. But it was a nice place to sit for a long time talking as Stitches finished her second beer. I didn’t write at my best today, but I did write and laid the groundwork for something I can revise later. Two pre-readers sent me notes today.

I found this online but don't know the artist.

Sunday, May 29, 2016


Was that one of the main reasons why there were so many people poisoned by bitterness? Marriages restricted to an enforced monogamy, within which, according to the studies that Dr. Igor kept safely in his medical library, sexual desire disappeared in the third or fourth year of living together. After that, the wife felt rejected and the man felt trapped, and Vitriol, or bitterness, began to eat away at everything.  

That passage comes from the book I’m reading right now. I think it’s a little sexist, but at its core I believe it’s true. I must be delusional to want to want to be married so badly. Most of my relationships last between three and five years and our sexual relations always diminish. Most of the marriages I see appear to lack physical affection. I’m probably better off remaining single and getting to lust after whomever I like without thought of betraying any vows made to someone else. But then there’s love, which I’m still holding out for. Yes, delusional.

The book I was reading today and the pudding parfait I should not have ordered. I didn't eat it all though.