Sunday, May 31, 2015


Today was Bats Day. It’s nearly two a.m. and I just got home. It was a long day. It was fun in a lot of ways. It was good to be with friends and see many people I don’t see often, especially people I generally only talk to on the internet. As the day went on though, my mood shifted. The depression started to hit me hard. There were things that upset me too. I think it was just too many hours surrounded by two many people. I needed to get away. I want to withdraw and be left alone.

me and Sin Dee

Saturday, May 30, 2015


It was a long day at the Bats Day Black Market. I arrived there around 9 a.m. and just got home at about 1 a.m. I took three Klonopins to get through the event. I saw lots of friends. I also sold more books and merchandise than I ever have at any other event so that was good. It’s a really good feeling when people actually come looking for my booth because they’ve read the other books and are seeking out the rest of the series. After the Black Market, Stitches, Cynthia and I went to Honda Ya for dinner.

Stitches and Cynthia at the Ink Bleed Books booth

Friday, May 29, 2015


My workday today was difficult and busy again, but I was able to meet with my boss and move forward with a lot of things. I was also able to leave before 2 p.m., I arrived at 4:30 a.m. Again I had no breaks. I decided to pack my car up with all of my Ink Bleed Books stuff this afternoon for the Bats Day Black Market tomorrow so I wouldn’t have to rush and worry about it in the morning. I even made myself a lunch. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll do fine mentally.

Ryo Yoshii

Thursday, May 28, 2015


Today was exceptionally difficult at work. I worked on our budget reconciliation between a bunch of meetings. I worked for eleven and half hours straight without a break. My brain is tired. I’m home now. I’m glad that I’m on a hiatus from writing The Scribbled Victims until after those first eight chapters are workshopped. I have a long list of things to remember to do in preparation for Black Market and Bats Day. I really hope I hold it together this weekend with my depression and anxiety. I hope I sell a lot of books and gain new readers.

Ryo Yoshii

Wednesday, May 27, 2015


My depression persists, but at least I was able to force myself to be productive after work. I finally finished writing Chapter 8 of The Scribbled Victims and I sent off 74 pages to my writing group so they can be workshopped. It was a tough day at work. I had two budget meetings and consequently I need to analyze a lot of data and provide another report next week. Tomorrow I have three meetings unrelated to budget and Friday, I have two more. It’s all time that will be spent away from working on the budget report. I’m overwhelmed.

Ryo Yoshii

Tuesday, May 26, 2015


My depression is worsening again. I can tell because I’m inactive. I just want to sit staring at nothing and I’m again daydreaming about blowing my brains out. I don’t see my psychiatrist for a few weeks. I should probably call my psychologist, but I really don’t feel like talking to her. I wish Bats Day weren’t this weekend. Mentally, I’m just not feeling up to it. There will be so many people and the days will be long. I wish I could go over and visit Maddie. It would be a comfort to sit with her in the dark.

Ivan Alifan