Sunday, November 30, 2014


It's nearly three in the afternoon and I'm still sitting in bed. I didn't get home until 4:30 a.m. I saw A______, had dinner with Amirah, and then met Stitches at Helter Skelter and Doomie's after. I've been napping all day. I just woke from a strange sex dream. M___ was going down on me and then Tygre showed up naked and M___ put me inside her. M___ would never have let that happen. I woke after what Bukowski would refer to as a couple of strokes and what Giggles would call a couple of pumps. LOL! Birthday Massacre tonight!

Hayley Wright

Saturday, November 29, 2014


I finished writing the new Maddie book this morning. I imagine I'll need to do some rewrites after I get notes back from my pre-readers. Stitches already read the final pages and she liked them so that made me feel more confident in them. It's a good feeling to be able to hand the pages over. Next week things will change. I'll be back at the gym and trying to go out more socially. I talked to Andrea today. That was really nice. Tonight, I'm taking A______ out for her birthday. After that, I get to see Amirah in Redlands.

Hayley Wright

Friday, November 28, 2014


I didn't finish writing my book today. I worked on the chapter but I haven't figured out how to include everything I want to say. I got a lot of rest today though. I'm feeling better than yesterday. I just got back from Outer Limits. I downsized my septum to a 10g. I wish it would hurt but it doesn't. I was hoping to see A______ today but it didn't work out. Hopefully, I'll see her tomorrow. I was thinking of going to Release the Bats tonight with Stitches but she can't go any longer.  I guess I'll keep writing.

Winston Chmielinski

Thursday, November 27, 2014


Today is Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday of the year. I ate too much as usual though. I had so much vegan food this year. My sister made vegan gravy that was better than any vegan gravy I've had at a restaurant. The new Maddie book is now longer than the third installment. I'm almost done with it so the word count will be close. I've really let go in the last chapter and let Maddie be Maddie without me at all. I think I might be getting sick. This afternoon I began feeling nauseated. I hope it doesn't last.

Nicola Samori

Wednesday, November 26, 2014


I talked to Amirah today about my book and specifically the ending I intended. I feel like I can move forward with finishing the book. I'll begin working on the last chapter again later tonight. I hope to finish the first draft by the end of the long weekend. It'll be nice to be able to rest once I hand the manuscript over. I miss Cynthia. I hope somehow I get to see her soon. I talked to A______ this morning on Skype and I got up to get a banana. She told me I had a nice butt. LOL.

Josephine Cardin

Tuesday, November 25, 2014


I kept waking up throughout the night last night. Finally at 2:30 a.m. I decided to just go into work. I would have expected to get more done today but my new cabinets were installed and it took about three hours. I'm still waiting for more file drawers, but my office already looks a lot better. I have all my gothy toys and dolls back on display so it feels more like my workplace again than it had previously. My concern is growing with finishing my book. I'm avoiding getting to the end. I just pick at the last chapter.

Diana Dihaze

Monday, November 24, 2014


I made a lot of changes to the new book to address some of the concerns Amirah had when reading the first draft. I also added something for fun--the initial of the narrator's name. I won't say if it is the initial of his real name or club name because I'm being a tease. I still have to write the last chapter. I might also add a chapter. I received a package in the mail from Amirah. I didn't open it because Amirah wants me to open it with her over Skype. We'll do that at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow.  

Markus Schinwald

Sunday, November 23, 2014


I finished my first pass at revisions of the first fifteen chapters of my new book. I got through it quickly, but I don't feel happy with this book yet. I'm working on extending the dreaded Chapter Fourteen, but I'm currently stuck. I still have to finish writing Chapter Sixteen as well. I don't know how I am going to pull this off or even if I will. I still haven't made the choices I need to make. I keep hoping that the solution is going to magically present itself but I don't think I should keep waiting for it.

Anna Madia

Saturday, November 22, 2014


I had brunch with Farishta. As always, we laughed a bunch. I love her dating stories. I went to the office to box up files and binders in preparation of my new furniture being installed on Tuesday. After I finished, I began the first pass at my rewrite. I made it through nine chapters before feeling exhausted. I was supposed to go to Ian's birthday party tonight, but I don't feel well. I feel sick but I also feel like I'm having anxiety again. I'm trying hard not to take a Klonopin because I don't want to get addicted again.


Friday, November 21, 2014


I attended a painfully irritating meeting this morning. Too much talking and not enough listening. I said next to nothing. After work, I drove out to see A______. We had a late lunch, went to a bookstore, and then to Starbucks. I told myself I wasn't going to initiate kissing her in the hopes that she would. While we were saying our goodbyes it still hadn't happened and I couldn't take it anymore so I kissed her. I love how she holds me when we kiss. She makes me feel desirable. She told me her family wouldn't like me though.

Adolph Gottlieb

Thursday, November 20, 2014


Ashley would have turned 21 today. I brought her Gerbera daisies. They were pretty. I also gave her a crescent moon necklace that matches mine. I described what her first club would have been like if we were going together tonight. The music, the people, the lights, and the darkness. I told her I would get her drunk and find her cute boys to make out with. I let her know I put her in the new book. I did well, I think. The tear I had in my left eye didn't fall. Her mother arrived while I was there.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014


Amirah gave me feedback on the first fifteen chapters. I now have a list of things to accomplish during my rewrite. I may need to finish rewriting the first fifteen chapters before writing the final chapter. To be honest, I still haven't decided how I'm going to end it. Amirah wasn't really fond of the ambiguous ending I planned on. I don't know if I love it either. I was probably going that route because I'm afraid to take a stance through Maddie. Tonight, I'm going to Hooters for the OC Goth Meetup. I don't think they have vegan food.

Adolph Gottlieb

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


I like my new office. I hung up a bunch of stuff today, but still have much more to do after my new furniture is installed. I'm getting so much more work done now that I'm in here instead of my cubicle. It's weird because I leave my door open, but I guess people are less inclined to interrupt me because it's an office and not a cubicle. I think having a window to the outside has improved my mood and energy level too. I received more contributions to my Book 4 pre-sale fundraiser. I'm beyond 25% of my goal.

Pareidolia by Lily Ludlow

Monday, November 17, 2014


In this morning's letter to Andrea I expressed how happy I was that I am nearly finished with the new Maddie book and that soon my life would go back to normal. I could devote time to reading and exercising again. But today, I ate over 3,000 calories. I think I'm far enough along in the book that I can go back to the gym tomorrow. I need to do better on snacking instead of huge meals. I just emailed Amirah the first fifteen chapters of the new book. I'm hoping for more feedback before I write the final chapter.

Pascal Campion

Sunday, November 16, 2014


My meeting last night was a surreal disaster. That's all I'll say about it. I went out this morning to Starbucks, had a tea and a water, and finished writing Chapter 15. That leaves only one chapter to go. It feels great to know I'll meet my deadline. I'm going to ask Amirah if she'll read what I have thus far. I'm still worried about the reader reaction to this book. It's late afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas. Mary and Jessica are still in pajamas too and we're going to go out to dinner like that in Sliverlake.

Andrea Torres Balaguer

Saturday, November 15, 2014


I had difficulty getting out of bed this morning. I kept going back to sleep. I didn't get out of bed until ten-thirty. I guess I needed the rest. I went to the office after that with the half-intention of moving more things from my cubicle to my new office. Instead, I wrote about a thousand more words of the new Maddie book. I believe I only have about three thousand words to go before I start rewriting. Tonight I'm meeting up with Veronika Sorrow to drop off books for her store Meowmeowz. I hope to see A______ after that.

Nicola Samori

Friday, November 14, 2014


I wrote a little before bed last night. That made me feel less irresponsible. I believe I will finish writing the text this weekend. This morning, I started making a list of things I don't like about the book as it currently is. That will help during the rewrite. I talked to Kyrie today. It had been a while and I have to admit it felt strange. A______ will be here within the hour to have lunch with me. I'm pretty happy about that. I think I'll take an extra long lunch or maybe not even come back at all.

Nicola Samori

Thursday, November 13, 2014


I didn't write yesterday. I haven't written yet today. I've been coming home from work too tired. I don't know why. I don't feel bogged down with work and I've been sleeping enough. I got to talk to Andrea live today which is nice considering our difference in time zones. In the first day of my fundraiser I've already raised over three hundred dollars toward the two thousand I'm aiming for. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. A______ is driving to Irvine just to have lunch with me. I think that's really sweet. I really should try to write before bed.

Nicola Samori

Wednesday, November 12, 2014


It's been nice having someone to say good morning and goodnight to. If she's able to go, I might bring A______ to an event this Friday where she'll be able to meet Stitches. I've been struggling with Maddie in the new book. I've been worried with how my readers will receive her. But today I told Danielle, "I have to remember not to be apologetic and let my characters behave true to their nature." Thinking like that, I believe I've decided how to end this book. I started a crowdfunding for the new book. Danielle was the first to contribute.

Giocometti in His Studio, 1955. By Alexander Liberman.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014


I slept in. I got home late last night. I watched a couple episodes of Jersey Shore. I'm back on the Miami season, which is my favorite. I got hungry and Tweeted to see if anyone wanted to have lunch with me. Theresa replied and we went out for vegan pizzas. Afterwards, I went to Starbucks to try and finish writing the difficult Chapter Fourteen of the new Maddie book. I finished, but I want to sleep on it and look at it again in a couple of days. I don't know if I'm going to pull this book off.

Tony Parisi

Monday, November 10, 2014


Work was a little stressful today due to a couple of meetings I didn't want to have. When I got home, I wrote well. I'm in the middle of the scene I knew was going to be the toughest to write. I must choose the words very carefully and still sound like Maddie and her BFF. I hope to finish the scene tomorrow. I bought A______ a tiny birthday present. I hope she likes it. Tonight I'm going to see a documentary called Cowspiracy. I'm meeting Mary for dinner beforehand. Late tonight, I'm driving to LAX to pick up Todd.

Zak Prekop

Sunday, November 09, 2014


Due to a logistical mix up, I didn't get to meet Elizabeth Bergeron last night. This morning, I struggled to write. I finally put it away and took a nap. Tonight, I went to Amie's wedding. It was really pretty. She looked really pretty in her wedding dress. I hope I get to get married someday. On the drive home, Todd introduced me to the brilliance of the band Ylvis. I laughed a lot. Something I really like about A______ is that every time I have asked to see her face she hasn't protested and sends me a beautiful picture.

Ambera Wellmann

Saturday, November 08, 2014


My first date with A______ last night went really well. We have good chemistry. We went to dinner and saw a terrible movie. Those were the only plans we had but since we didn't want to go home so early we decided to go to Malediction Society. A______ had never been to a goth club before and she was curious. A______ isn't goth. It's startling how much my life is imitating what is happening in my new my new Maddie book. Tonight I'm meeting Elizabeth Bergeron for the first time. She's from Seattle. We met on Facebook many months ago.

Sonja De Graaf

Friday, November 07, 2014


I wrote 820 words. I'm nearing the climax of the book. It's coming along faster now that I got through the club scene with Ashley. I have a date tonight. I'm excited but also nervous. I don't usually get stomachaches but I have one today. I received an email from Andrea this morning. She's back from her trip. She swam in the Amazon in an area she didn't know had piranhas. Our correspondence is becoming more personal. I'm not sure what she thinks of me. My muse sent me a message this week. I didn't know what to say back.

Salva Lopez

Thursday, November 06, 2014


Jessica asked the other day if I've been writing with a photo of my muse nearby. At the time I hadn't been but keeping her in my mind definitely helped me get through writing a difficult scene. Today I placed her photo beside my manuscript and wrote more than I planned. She's still there as I'm writing this. You should see her gaze. It's intense. Birthday wishes continue to roll in today. I received well over a hundred happy birthdays. That was nice. My psychologist thinks I'm doing well enough that I don't have to see her again until January.

Josh Tonsfeldt

Wednesday, November 05, 2014


I didn't get my birthday wish. I won't be seeing Disco. I received a one-sentence message from her stating she would be busy all day. I hate to feel this way, but I'm a little hurt she didn't acknowledge my birthday. I want to matter to her so much but I feel like I'm losing her. I don't think it's about me. I think she's just going through something terrible and I can't be there for her if she won't let me. I received lots of text and Facebook messages though, and even a birthday song Skype video from Macau.

Lucie Stahl

Tuesday, November 04, 2014


Believe it or not I often get asked if I would ever date a non-goth. My answer is always yes. I think it would be silly if I didn't. I have dated non-goths before and had multi-year relationships with them. I even dated a former cheerleader. I have a date soon. She's not goth. She reads tons of books, which I think is admirable and super hot. I feel conflicted though. My heart is already strongly attached to someone I am not with. My psychiatrist wants me to remain open to dating others and I am excited for this date.

Zhu Jinshi

Monday, November 03, 2014


I didn't write yesterday. It's almost my bedtime and I haven't written yet today. What I have done is listen to The Birthday Massacre a lot. It occurred to me while looking at the moon that I'm avoiding writing because of where I am at in my new book. I'm getting close to the last scene the character of Gashly will appear. After I finish writing that what more can I do for her? I don't know. I've decided not to write dialogue for her. I don't want to speak for her. "Take this time to turn and say goodbye."

Sunday, November 02, 2014


Last night I went to a Day of the Dead art show. I saw Lupe Flores and her new paintings. After that I drove up to Glendale to go to the Gentleman Junkie and God Module show with Elo. We had so much fun. Some guy tried touching me at the club and so Elo grabbed onto my arm and told him that I was her boyfriend and that she doesn't like people touching me. She can be such a bitch, but it was cute. Today I woke up late and drove up to Hollywood and had lunch with Stitches.

Me with Lupe Flores last night