Thursday, February 28, 2013

Practiced


The highlight of my day was definitely being contacted by another reader. It feels great to be liked for the thing you love doing most. I hope it doesn’t ever go to my head. My head started out big enough. I was hurting last night, sleeping beside my ex. Today, I practiced seeing her as a friend whom I live with. Of course she was at work at the time. Who knows how much my rehearsals will stick when she’s off work. I know that I need to protect myself more than I am, but I still care about her.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Rosemary


A reader wrote to me today. While corresponding back and forth, I discovered that, as an author, I’d shot myself in the foot. Rosemary told me that she loved Goth Girls Don’t Taste Like Chicken and read it twice. She also told me that her mother wouldn’t buy her either of my other two books because of the bad words in the titles. So much for catering to my target audience. I promised her that I wouldn’t put any bad words in the title of the next book. I had a productive session with my psychologist. It was tough though.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Single


Kyrie returned from Florida last night. I was already asleep. She was asleep when I left for work. I texted her once I knew she was awake. I didn’t want to have a relationship conversation via text, but after a week of being apart and having no firm idea of where we stood, I had to ask her if she came to any decisions. We’re going to separate and be friends. So far, our week apart is softening the blow. I’m single again and will try not to panic. I’m more used to being in relationships than out of them. 

Monday, February 25, 2013

Illustrations


Kimberlee has been sending me illustrations for the new book. That’s always an exciting part of the process. One of the images makes me laugh so much that I want to put it on the cover, but I don’t think it will represent the book as well as the one we planned to use. I continue to be tired a lot. I had some issues with panic today at work. Luckily I had Klonopins in my glove box. A co-worker went to get them for me. I feel like my books are getting more and more attention. That’s been nice.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Ugh


I stayed too late at that party last night. It was too bright so I spent much of my time in a room with the lights off. There was a lot of unsolicited advice being thrown my way. I spent most of today doing homework for my Project Management Program. I talked to Elo on the phone. That was good. But tonight…ugh…I’m so upset. Disco told me something that I wish wasn’t true. I want to scream at her. But I also want to move away with her and just live in some remote place with a stack of books. 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Face


I got home really late last night. I spent my evening in San Diego having dinner with Lauren. I haven’t seen her in over a year. It was really nice to talk to her face to face. I slept late and didn’t get as much of my homework done as I needed to. I’m going to a party tonight. I’ve been thinking about four writing projects that I want to work on now. I have to remember that I was trying to take a break. I’m also talking with Kaira Th1rte3n about doing a giveaway together related to Book 3. 

Friday, February 22, 2013

Happier


My relationship with Kyrie still isn’t very stable. I still don’t know where we’re going to end up. She’s been in Florida the past few days with her family and she’s been posting many pictures. She looks really pretty, but it also hurts to see them. She looks so happy, which is great, but it’s a look I haven’t seen on her face in a long time. I know I’m difficult to be with. I’m really moody and really selfish with my time. Seeing her pictures has been making me feel like she could be so much happier without me. 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Masturbation


For the first time in my life, I thought my hands looked old. Staring at the tops of people’s hands is something I’ve done since grade school. Typically, I’m disturbed by what the surface looks like. I don’t know why. But now I’m disturbed by my own. That really sucks. Being Asian and being vegan has allowed me to have soft skin that I get many compliments on. Soon, that shall be no more. Maybe masturbation will become less appealing. Something else is wrong. My hands have been shaking the past few days when bringing a cup to my mouth.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

34K


I finished writing the book today. It’s such a relief. It’s over 34K words. That makes it more than twice as long as So This Bitch… I planned to reward myself with a re-piercing of my bridge, but my piercer wouldn’t do it. Apparently after piercing it four times previously, I don’t have enough flesh left for the piercing to hold. On my way to see him, I tried to be polite and ate a mint because I had curry for lunch. The mint cracked my front tooth. I see my dentist tomorrow. Got no piercing, but a broken tooth.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Three


I’ve been writing and writing and writing. I know I keep saying how close I am to finishing this book. The other day, I thought I was a thousand words away but I’ve already written three thousand more words since then. I haven’t been sleeping much and not very well when I do. I’ve also been forgetful about eating. Two things that often happen to me when I’m writing a lot. I’ve been living inside my head so much today that I’m hoping someone will call me tonight and tell me all about themselves instead. I need to lie down.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Elevator


Early this morning I drove Kyrie to the airport. She’s spending a week in Florida with her family. It’s always sad watching her go through the gate at the airport. On the way back to my car, I was behind this girl who had her eyes glued to her phone. My gym shoes are really quiet. She didn’t know I was behind her until we both stepped in the elevator. I asked her to press number three and she bolted out of the elevator before the doors closed. It made me sad to think that’s the world she lives in.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Dubai


I didn’t write very well today. I was just spinning my wheels. I have a lot on my mind and tons of homework to turn in for the Project Management course my work is paying for me to take. The textbook for the course has to be one of the dullest things I’ve ever been assigned to read. I don’t believe it’s very well written which surprises me because I know many people worked on it and it is the fifth edition. Fortunately, I found an instructor from Dubai on YouTube who communicates the information in a more engaging way. 

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Expectations


I didn’t finish writing the book today like I thought, but I put in a lot of hours and got a lot done. At night I went to see Paul’s performance in Brighton Beach Memoirs. It was a good production. I enjoyed myself quite a lot. After the show we went to eat at some place that was out of nearly everything Paul tried to order. Everyone who worked there was hot. The boss is probably a lecher. I’ve been upset with two of my friends lately. It’s my own fault. I began to have expectations and was let down. 

Friday, February 15, 2013

Tomorrow


I stayed up late the night before waiting for Kyrie to get off work. I woke late and arrived to work late, but I still got a lot done. Words have been pouring out today with the new book, but I have a lot to clean up. I do believe I will finish the book by tomorrow. I’m feeling relieved about that. I want to take some time off to just read books, go to some films and dinners with Kyrie, go to clubs, and see my friends.  The sucky part is that I already have two other projects looming.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Shaped


Kyrie had to work tonight so we didn’t get to go out for Valentine’s dinner. Also, the gift I ordered for her still hasn’t arrived yet. I got her vegan chocolates and got us a heart shaped pizza for lunch with half pineapple for her and half mushrooms and olives for me. It was cute, but I was still disappointed with how the day turned out. I feel like I should have made more of an effort, but the day just crept up on me. All I’ve been thinking about is finishing the final chapters of this book. Almost done. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Cardio


I went to the gym today. I’m trying to go at least four times a week. I didn’t finish my run though, and I know that’s because I walked for ten minutes on the treadmill before lifting and doing my abs workout. The thing is, my trainers told me to do cardio last, but it’s always so much more difficult for me to finish my cardio after I’ve already lifted. I guess I’ll go back to doing it first, since I’m sure that is the better compromise. Anyone reading this have any suggestions? My posture has improved from losing weight.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

RSVP'd


I followed Kimberlee Traub’s advice to change my writing environment. I wrote in one place for a couple of hours after work and when I got stuck, I changed locations. It must have helped because I finally finished writing the three chapters I was struggling with. Tomorrow I will probably have to do revisions throughout the three chapters, but at least I have it laid out. I feel good. I’m confident I will have the draft to everyone this weekend. I made a Facebook invite to my book signing. People RSVP’d  affirmatively that I didn’t think would even consider coming. 

Monday, February 11, 2013

Changing


Kimberlee Traub, who is the illustrator for my Me and My Friend Maddie Gothic Book Series, was very understanding about me missing my deadline twice. She’s going to begin the illustrations for the chapters she does have. She also suggested that I keep changing my environment when I write. I thought that was a really good idea and plan to do that starting tomorrow. Today after work, I needed a nap. I’ve been so sleepy. My stomach has been hurting for days now. I don’t know if it is because of stress or all the extra coffee I’ve been drinking. 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

ER


Kyrie woke with severe throat pain this morning. She’s prone to getting strep throat. We went to the ER at around four in the morning. That took a while. I brought her home so she could sleep and went back out to get her prescriptions. I missed a hockey game being played by a coworker’s grandson who really likes my piercings. Last game of the season. Well, next season then. I helped my father with a bunch of computer stuff at his business. It took hours. I went and got Kyrie popsicles at night. It’s been helping with her fever. 

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Preachy

I wrote for many many hours today. I went to coffee at six a.m. and began, took a lunch break, and then went back to coffee later and stayed until around ten-thirty at night. Even with all those hours, I still didn’t finish as much as I hoped. Chapter 10, which I have been struggling with, has now been split into Chapters 10, 11, and 12. I’m really worried that my readers won’t enjoy these chapters. I’m worried that they will be dull. I’m worried they may come off as preachy. I’m worried because Maddie isn’t in any of them.

Friday, February 08, 2013

Psyllium


I went over my calorie limit by about thirty calories today. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that white rice, but it’s difficult not eating rice when you’re Asian and grew up with it. But it’s not very nutritious for the amount of calories you’re consuming. I was hungry though because I at right when I got home from the gym. It was actually the psyllium husk slash vegan protein shake that pushed me over the calorie count. I wasn’t even sure if I should count that, but I did.  I still didn’t finish writing the chapter I’m struggling with.

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Calories


Chapter Ten has been difficult to write. If it weren’t for this chapter, I would be done with this draft of Book Three already. It’s difficult because of the lack of physical activity, yet still a lot has to happen. I aimed to finish getting the chapter down today but failed. I was tired after work and turned on Jersey Shore. I went back on SparkPeople.com so I could start counting calories again since my doctor asked me to and wants me to lose thirty pounds. The days continue to hurt my insides. I think I’m hiding it well though.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Balls


I spent hours rewriting the first nine chapters today. Most of it was not plot based, it was just voice. I think it’s better now. Kyrie and Jessica both guessed something that turns out not to be true, so I’m wondering if I’m misleading the reader too much. I’ve been listening to Loreena McKennitt a lot today, especially the song The Old Ways. It always makes me think of being at House of Usher in the 90s. Damn. I was so young then. I had a physical today. I didn’t realize I had to be naked. Grab balls. Cough. Cough.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Vocabulary


Kyrie read the first nine chapters of the new book today. Her main comment was that the narrator sounded smarter in this book than he had in the other two. I was afraid of that while writing it. I think I expanded his vocabulary too much. Anyhow, even though I haven’t even finished writing it, I’m going to have to go through the whole manuscript and dumb him back down to where he was. It’s the right thing and I’m not upset about it, it’s just becoming overwhelming to do everything by my deadlines and still feel confident about it. 

Monday, February 04, 2013

Coffee


I slept a long time and still woke up tired. I drained myself writing for so many hours straight over the weekend. Today was the first day I made my own coffee in a long time. That is, if you can call using a Keurig making your own coffee. It was okay. But going to Starbucks is more pleasurable. I don’t know if this is worth the savings, because I also want another coffee immediately after I finish the first one. But even if I had two a day, I’d still be saving money, but then there’s the enjoyment factor.

Sunday, February 03, 2013

Chapters


I woke early and saw that TheValendy posted a YouTube video that mentioned my books. Happy. Happy. I arrived at Starbucks before six a.m. and began writing. I wrote until I exhausted myself to the point where I was feeling anxiety. Maybe it was too much coffee. I didn’t finish. The book is already longer than So This Bitch… and I have three chapters to go. I went to a funeral in the evening with Kyrie. Religious people who spoke mentioned multiple times how the deceased wasn’t religious and took his funeral as an opportunity to preach to the attendants. 

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Internal


I’m exhausted. I wrote for about twelve hours today. I got a lot done, but am still not done with this draft. I have until tomorrow before I’d have to tell my illustrator that I’m going to be turning my pages in to her late. The book is really coming together, but I worry that it might be too long for the amount of things that actually happen. But I guess first person internal narratives are often like that. The text is nearly as long as So This Bitch… and I still have four and a half chapters to go. 

Friday, February 01, 2013

where


I’ve raised over three hundred dollars in donations on indiegogo to the production of my third book, A Goth Noob Picnic in the Cemetery where DJ Dumbshit is buried. Perhaps you noticed I did not capitalize the word “where” that time I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not that word merits a capital letter in the title. I’ll have to look it up in a grammar guide. But back to the three hundred dollars. I’m happy people have been so supportive. On the flip side, I’m feeling pressured. What if the donors all think the book sucks?