Sunday, September 30, 2012


It’s been lonely inside me. I hate my medication. It’s doing what my doctor wants it to, but he just doesn’t understand how empty it’s leaving me. Seeing Cynthia smiling last night outside the Psyclon Nine show made me notice how detached I’ve become. The moon beckoned me to look. I feel like running some sharp object through my body just to wake me up. l____, I don’t know how many more months I can live out like this. I need to get off this medication. It won’t make me any happier but it won’t leave me feeling alone either. 

Saturday, September 29, 2012


The book is on schedule and is really starting to come together. I found out some company is selling my book through Barnes and Noble’s website. I guess that’s a good thing. The ebook version of GGDTLC should be out shortly as well. I should be happy, but I’m not. I’ve been in quite the shit mood actually. I miss friends, namely Sarah and Elo, but for the most part people I see in public have just been pissing me off. I hate disliking people in such a generalized way, but it is what it is. I hope it passes. 

Friday, September 28, 2012


I’m feeling down. I’ve been thinking about my recent correspondence with Ashley. She’s being put through so much. It doesn’t seem fair. Again, I wish there was something I could do, but I can’t. She confided in me something personal and though it may not have been something necessarily positive, I feel like it bonded us closer as it is something significant we have in common. I’m so lucky that I just wrote to her however many years ago that was. I had no reason to think we would be in touch this long, but I’m very glad we are. 

Thursday, September 27, 2012


I got a lot done at work today. I went in at 4:25 a.m. I woke at 3 a.m. and couldn’t fall back asleep. The weather is improving. I got to wear a sweater vest all day at work. I also began preparing Goth Girls Don’t Taste Like Chicken for e-book formats. I’m trying to make it available on all e-reader platforms. I need to go to the gym, but instead I am sitting on my bed writing this. I need motivation. I won’t find it. I’ll just force myself. Maybe that’s the same thing. Just do it and stuff.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


I was dreading this meeting I was scheduled to be a part of at work today. It turned out as expected. It went on longer than necessary. People have a hard time staying focused and on topic. People often just want to say things for the sake of saying them. A couple of times during the meeting, I felt like pounding my fist on the conference table in frustration. I got my Seller’s Permit for Ink Bleed Books today from the State Board of Equalization. I file my DBA with the county next week. That felt like progress, however slight.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


I haven’t been to the gym for the past two days and I didn’t want to go today either, but I forced myself and just got back. I feel good about that. I accomplished a lot of things on my to do list at work today. I’ll spend the rest of my day reading and writing. I feel a little down today. There are some things that I’m dwelling on. I approved the third iteration of the book cover. It looks really good. I’m also having the cover redesigned for Goth Girls Don’t Taste Like Chicken. The changes are small.

Monday, September 24, 2012


I heard from Ashley for the first time in weeks. That made me happy. I do wish there were more I could do for her though. She’s strong, but suffering all the same. Jessica has been having a rough time lately too. Again, I’m pretty helpless to help her. I can just be as supportive as possible. I spent my entire workday in Anaheim. I was at an advanced Excel training. I got a refresher on pivot tables so that was good. My instructor was great, far better than the instructor who originally taught me. The book is nearly done.

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Today was hot. I was outside for too long watching my niece and nephews at their baseball games. I brought a copy of The Scribbled Victims but didn’t get to work on it much. I ate too much today. I feel bloated. All the illustrations are complete for So This Bitch… and tonight I got to see the first draft of the book cover. It is already nearly what I envisioned so I’m happy and very excited. I think this book will do even better than the first. It feels good to put something out that will be nearly permanent.

Saturday, September 22, 2012


I went to the gym this morning. I hadn’t been since Tuesday on account of my nausea. It wasn’t the greatest workout but at least I went. I don’t feel like I’ve gained any weight during the time off, so that’s good. The nausea is gone as well. I’m hoping that’s because I stopped the medication and not because I’ve been eating more or stopped taking the psyllium husk or rice protein. I plan to cut back on food portions again and just downed some psyllium and rice protein. I’ll have to wait and see what happens.  Time to read.

Friday, September 21, 2012


I went to work today. My nausea is still there but far less severe. My afternoon meeting was good, and I usually hate meetings. This one had very little chit chat, which is what made it good and allowed it to end early. I need to rest a lot this weekend when I’m not at the gym. I’m going to try to read a lot and work on The Scribbled Victims. I need to start thinking about how to grow the traffic on I want to hire someone to help with the social networking, but I don’t know whom. 

Thursday, September 20, 2012


I stayed home with my stupid nausea. I wish it would end soon. I have a meeting tomorrow so I have to go in to work regardless of how I feel. I spent the day doing nearly nothing but eating, watching TV, writing emails, and going over another set of galleys for the new book and four new drawings. I’m going to skip seeing my trainer at 5pm. That means I’ve missed the gym two days in a row. I’m disappointed about that. I hope once I’m feeling better I immediately go back or it may not happen for months. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


The nausea persists. I stopped taking that medication last night. I hope this is the reason. I’m not looking forward to weeks of experimentation to find out what it is otherwise. I decided to rewrite The Scribbled Victims. I have a new concept that I think will make the film more eerie. I’m trying to think of other things to include in this post but seriously, I feel like I’m going to puke. I placed ads on four of my websites today, including this blog. I’m just thinking it would be nice to make a little from my blogging efforts.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


I arrived to work late, late for me at least. I didn’t feel like waking up at my normal time. I left early to go check on Kyrie since she wasn’t feeling well. Now the hours are passing and I’m dreading going to the gym for my training session. I don’t want to feel like I’m going to pass out again like I did at the gym yesterday. I talked to my doctor, he wants me to stop the medication for 14 days and see if the nausea stops. Sucks that I’ll have to start again just to make sure.

Monday, September 17, 2012


I had to go easy at the gym today. I was feeling nauseated again. I’m not sure what it is. I’m thinking it is either my new cholesterol medication, I’m not eating enough, or I’m getting too much sun. I lifted for a little while and then rode a stationary bike for 30 minutes on a flat terrain instead of my usual 40 minutes of hills. At least I went. I worked more on my new blog about exercise and depression. I like how it’s coming along. I have fun writing those posts. I don’t have anything else to report.

Sunday, September 16, 2012


I saw the first galley proofs of the new book yesterday. There are some changes I’m going to request, but I’m pretty excited about it. The new book will be around 110 pages, which is nearly twice as long as the first. I’m feeling a little less stressed about this book coming out before Halloween. I won my first chess match today and lost the second. My internet shuts off at 2pm, so I’m trying to get as much as I can done on the new depression/exercise blog before that happens. After that, gym, shave my head, clean the bathroom. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Today is my nephew’s birthday. Much of my day was spent at his party and picking up gifts. Since my gym closes early on Saturdays and Sundays, I didn’t make it in. Instead, Kyrie and I went on an hour and a half walk to try to make up for it. That felt good. I’m also adjusting my diet a little. I’ve felt bloated lately and like I’ve been overeating. Making pasta the last couple days didn’t make it easy for me to eat reasonable portions. I’m going to try to focus more on fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts, and tofu.  

Friday, September 14, 2012


I’ve toying with a new blog about being clinically depressed and exercising as a means to feel better and get off the medications I’m taking. It’s pretty niche, but I figure there are plenty of depressed people out there who don’t exercise, don’t want to, and have low self-esteem as a result which adds to their depression. Maybe it’s just me. We’ll have to wait and see how much traffic I get once I get the blog going. I’m pretty excited about it, but I always am when I launch a new blog, but it doesn’t mean it will last. 

Thursday, September 13, 2012


Now that I’m finished writing So This Bitch…, I really need to begin writing something else. I’ve already taken nearly a week off from writing anything at all, and I can feel myself getting lazy. I’m thinking of either re-writing the Forever Candy screenplay as a novel or picking up The Scribbled Victims again, or beginning a brand new screenplay I’ve been toying with in my head. So This Bitch… should be out before Halloween, but book three of the series probably won’t be out until May. I don’t know what it’s about yet, but I’m looking for a title.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Today is Kyrie’s birthday. We already had a birthday dinner over the weekend, and birthday cake at The Gentle Barn, but tonight we went to 118 Degrees. It was our first time there. I liked my salad and their apple cobbler may be my favorite desert since becoming vegan. It wasn’t too sweet or too rich, which are things I can’t stomach. Kyrie went to yoga afterward and I watched the 2011 version of Conan the Barbarian. I still love the 1982 version. This one, however, was shit, except that Rose McGowan looked super hot with her partially shaved head.