Saturday, June 30, 2012


I had lunch with Kyrie this afternoon before dropping her off at work and going to my sister’s place for this family function. I took a nap when I got home. I’m actually going out tonight after Kyrie gets off work. We’re going to Lisa’s birthday party at this Irish bar before going to a club. It’s odd. I don’t feel anxiety about going out tonight. Maybe things are changing for the better. I still haven’t heard back from my psychiatrist about halving my dose of one of my medications. I decided to do it anyway. He should have replied.

Friday, June 29, 2012


I stayed home again. My foot is doing better but hurts when bent at certain angles natural to walking. I’m close to approving the book cover for Goth Girls Don’t Taste Like Chicken; there are only two changes I’d like to see. I’d like to release it on Friday the thirteenth next month, but I don’t know if the remaining approvals will be completed quickly enough. I’m still happy today about Ashley doing well; it’s such a relief. I turned down an advertising offer for meagothy. It wasn’t goth. I’d rather preserve the integrity of the site than make money. 

Thursday, June 28, 2012


I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning as usual and felt a sharp pain in my right foot when I tried to walk. I thought I had a blood clot, but it turns out, I’m not a doctor. I went to an urgent care since my regular doctor doesn’t open until 10 a.m. The doctor examined it and didn’t think it was a clot. Had an x-ray—no sign of fracture. Took a blood test—find out the results on Saturday. Received a shot for the pain. I’m home now. I didn’t go to work. It still hurts. Blah. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Today is a great day. I learned that Ashley’s surgery was a success.  The tumor has been removed. She lost some of her collarbone and they had to cut her voice box. She’s still in a lot of pain, but it’s a relief that the hard part is over. I just hope she begins feeling well soon. Been asking the opinion of many friends on the prospective covers for my gothy book. I’m making my designer do so many revisions. She seems very concerned with getting it right though and has added a lot to the project I couldn’t have.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


It’s not even one o’clock yet and I feel sleepy. I’m having another coffee. I basically finished a project today at work. I’m just waiting for approvals and for management to argue over some stuff. I worked on two writing projects as well: the novel version of Forever Candy and the follow up book in the Me and My Friend Maddie Series. This one is titled So This Bitch… It’s a book about goth jealousy. I need to go to the gym. Not because I have an appointment, but because it will give me some energy when the coffee fails.

Monday, June 25, 2012


I got pissed off at work today. I finally got around to completing this “Core Safety” tutorial that everyone seems to have complained about. It took me over two and a half hours to get through. After I finished, I rolled out my yoga mat and laid down and ate an apple. I meant to read longer after work, but ended up falling asleep because of the heat. I have the air conditioning on now and so I’m awake. I saw proofs of my book cover. I’m collecting my likes and dislikes, but we are definitely on the right track. 

Sunday, June 24, 2012


I should have lost in chess this morning, and then things turned and I should have won. In the end it was a stalemate; I have no endgame. After chess, I picked up Stina and we went to a pool party at Caroline’s and Blanca’s in Encino. Blanca made food just for me. The salsa was exceptional. Stina and I read poolside, until she went in for a swim; I only put my legs in the water. Kyrie and I looked for houses out of state. I drew up a list of city criteria. I’ll put it in a spreadsheet.  

Saturday, June 23, 2012


Today was my niece’s fourth birthday. She had a party. She wore the party dress I bought her. She decided she wants to be called Huffington. I gave Huffington books. I began writing the novel version of Forever Candy. During dinner I realized I have to throw away everything I wrote. No loss. It helped me choose a point of view. I’ll start over tomorrow. I feel like I’m getting sick. Flu sick. Chills. I took zinc. That often helps. I took a sleeping pill to knock myself out, hoping that deep sleep will allow me to wake feeling recovered.  

Friday, June 22, 2012


Disco, my Disco. At last. Hello. That was too long. I hope we don’t do that again. I had a good day today. I got a lot done at work, knocked a whole lot of stuff of my to do list, got to meet Todd’s girlfriend Jenny; Kyrie and I had a great healthy dinner with them both. I like her a lot. She’s a painter. I hope he convinces her to move to California. After dinner, I made it to the gym before closing and ran pi miles while watching the news stations blow up over the Sandusky verdict. 

Thursday, June 21, 2012


My brain was fried after work. I went to the gym, ran pi miles and spent a lot of time stretching before my training session. My body feels great. I’m upset over the bullying video involving Karen Klein in New York. I have a lot to say about it, so I’ll wait to talk about it on my Weekly Wish blog. I may start writing these blogs in the mornings because I think the only way to keep me from working past 4:30 p.m. is to use no computer at all. That would mean writing about yesterday instead of today.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


My psychologist got a fish tank a couple of months ago to go with her new office. There are plants in it that sway with the artificial water current, but there are no fish. There’s probably a message in there somewhere. I saw my psychiatrist after—a checkup after the increased dosage. I’m no longer suffering so much from the recent depression, but I’m feeling particularly flat and apathetic. My hearing has been quite acute lately. That interested them both. It doesn’t make sense with the increased meds. But as long as I’m not suicidal, they tend to be pleased. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


While driving to the gym, I passed a young man with a shaved head who was walking along the sidewalk wearing a black t-shirt that said “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” He was wearing jeans and was barefoot. He reminded me of my dearly departed childhood friend Gote. He often wore jeans with no shoes. Maybe many people do. But Gote knew me so well, that I sometimes thought that with how uptight I was in high school, he would have known it made me uncomfortable. I guess I’m still uptight. I don’t like that look at all. It bothers me. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

My to do list is lengthy again. I got a lot done, but there’s still much to do. On the social front, I had to replace Meebo because Google bought them and it’s being discontinued. I tried Nimbuzz, but didn’t like it. The second one I tried is I think I’ll keep it for now. It’s pretty good, but a little chunky. But one of its best features is that it’s easy to find people around the world with similar interests. I already made a new goth friend in Serbia. My eating was erratic today. I don’t feel healthy.

Sunday, June 17, 2012


Paul and I stalemated in our first game of chess; he yielded in the second. After, we chatted. The name Nimesh Desai came up. I confessed that I sometimes read this article that was written about him when I’m feeling down because it makes me laugh. I’m not laughing at those he scammed, but instead at sentences like these: “Those who have dealt with him characterize Desai as an ego on stilts.” Years ago, I had the pleasure of listening to his braggadocio as he contemplated whether or not he should get headlight cages when he bought his Range Rover.

Saturday, June 16, 2012


I worked on the meagothy and IndieFilmTips sites today. Both sites are doing pretty well in terms of growth. I also approved the interior layout of Goth Girls Don’t Taste Like Chicken. It took a few drafts, but it came out looking like I had envisioned, so I’m pretty satisfied. Now there is just the cover design and then promotion begins. Everything seems on track. I feel lonely inside though. Oh well. I spoke to Jessica today. She’s having a hard time with the men in her life. I’m longing to leave California. I’m longing to leave the United States. 

Friday, June 15, 2012


When I was little, my eldest sister used to bring me inside the pantry, turn the lights off, and shine a flashlight on the face of the Quaker Oats oatmeal guy while making muah-ha-ha sounds. It scared the shit out of me. Looking at his face today, he still creeps me out. Maybe that’s just childhood residue. Talking about it with Kyrie, led me to wonder what the difference was between Quakers and Puritans. Upon review, it turns out, that if I had to be either one of those assholes, I would choose to be a Quaker. So go oatmeal!

Thursday, June 14, 2012


I ran and trained today at the gym. I had an intimate conversation with my trainer. I’m glad that’s out of the way. When I got home, I overate. Earlier in the day, I laid out the structure for the revised second act of The Scribbled Victims. I hope this structure works better than the one that preceded it. I haven’t heard how Ashley’s surgery went, so I can only hope for the best. The layout for Goth Girls Don’t Taste Like Chicken is complete. Only the cover design is left and then printing. Oh, and I started a newspaper.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


I’m glad nectarine season is here. The one I had after dinner was super tres yums. I ran pi miles today; it felt like I was running hard, but my time wasn’t good. I talked to you on the way home from the gym. You so weren’t even there. I told myself I wouldn’t talk to you today because Ashley is in the hospital having surgery for her cancer. My thoughts should be with her. You may not see the correlation between the two of you, but that’s because you don’t know her. If you did, it would be obvious. 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


Amirah told me to write in my diary today. I wrote instead in my super secret, password protected blog. So I’m going to use this post to talk about thoughts I had while at the gym today. I hate when I have to pee because the locker room is stinky. I didn’t get to finish listening to Summer of ’69 because there aren’t loudspeakers in the locker room. I’m glad my trainer likes me. The guy who sat next to me during my 8 mile bike ride smelled like mildew. Why did he have to sit right next to me?

Monday, June 11, 2012


I’m beginning to feel better, that is my depression is subsiding. I woke up early and arrived at work before anyone else and got nearly everything on my to-do list done, except for something that isn’t due until June 30. I also ranted on a work survey and my Weekly Wish blog that will post on Wednesday. Ranting is a good sign. After work, I did take a nap, which hints at depression, but it was only a short nap. The air feels nice tonight. I’m going to read for a bit and then sleep. I’ve already taken my meds.

Sunday, June 10, 2012


I’m working on prioritizing my projects and finishing them one at a time instead of doing say, seven at once and making little progress on them all. That meant today I sat down and worked on The Scribbled Victims. I got stuck on it months ago. I found a new direction for it, but it’s going to mean tossing nearly all of the sixty or seventy pages I wrote so far. Usually, I just let characters go, allowing them talk their way into and through their story, but today, I decided to nail down some motivations to guide them instead.

Saturday, June 09, 2012


I saw the golden glow of bug eyes in the darkness. They looked like pairs of disco microphones. The blackness around them is like the blackness surrounding the little metal café table with the lonely flower vase on it, the one from that fever dream I used to be plagued with. I actually longed for a tropical vacation. I never want that. I want to sit in the shade with a pile of books and feel a breeze and listen to the ocean, and look up now and then and see my friends playing and wishing it would never end.

Friday, June 08, 2012


I’m glad you confided in me today. It means a lot. I had already known the truth, but it makes a difference to hear it from you. I had too much coffee today. I still feel shaky. I finished reading a book that I hoped would be more informative than it was. I spoke to Elo today for hours. I didn’t realize my watch had stopped and time just went by. I’m worried about the survival of my new film blog. I’m sure some of it is the depression making me pessimistic, but it feels like it’s losing momentum already.