Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Eyes


The book I’m reading suggests putting yourself in uncomfortable situations so that you can function well while under pressure. One of the exercises recommended is to look people in the eye until they look away. I figured this would take some getting used to, since I typically look at the ground wherever I go. This is day two of experimenting; what I learned is no one wants to look at me, so there are no eyes to make contact with. Seriously, in these two days, I only encountered one person who looked at me back. Can I be that repulsive?

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Masturbate


I completed all the things I said I would do today, so that was good, but work felt especially long today. I had an ergonomic assessment at 9 a.m.; apparently, everything I do is wrong, except that I don’t grip my mouse too tight. I was just complaining yesterday to Kyrie about how much I detest meetings. The book I’m reading includes this line: “Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.” There was a meeting like this today. It sucked. Masturbating tonight however was really good.

Monday, February 27, 2012

4-Hour


Today, I didn’t write at all. I didn’t intend to. Actually, I intended not to. I decided to begin reading this book called The 4-Hour Workweek. I had a feeling that the book would excite me into a state of activity again and like that I would write eagerly. I’m only a third done with it, but it has really been fucking with my mind. It contradicts so much I have ingrained in me about how to work. A lot of it seems reckless to me, so I don’t know how much, if anything, I will embrace. Magenta glow sticks. 

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Pissed


I’m super pissed at myself. I wasted my entire writing day today working on a script that I invented the day before and became instantly sidetracked with. I hate it when I do shit like this. My other script became difficult so jumping projects seemed like an easy fix that would allow me to still feel productive. Reading the pages I wrote, I noticed something significant: I didn’t love them. I completely sold myself short, writing something I didn’t love because it was easier and more marketable. It could never be something I’d be proud of. I’m dumping it pronto. 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Commercial


I couldn’t fall back asleep this morning. I thought of a new script idea and it ran away on me. This script is commercial compared to the indie stuff I normally feel comfortable writing. I was conflicted about whether to pursue this new idea immediately or try to finish The Scribbled Victims first. I decided to go with the momentum. Today was a good day. I played chess with Paul and ran into Janae before meeting up with Kyrie, Jay, and Ian for lunch. Kyrie and I intended to see a Bollywood film tonight, but my cough was too persistent. 

Friday, February 24, 2012

Trains


Crossing guard bells. Bell tower bells.  The trains keep coming. I hear people talking near the tracks where trains won’t stop. People sometimes float about in little boxes made of smoke, at least I think they’re in there because what else besides the will of a person would give the little boxes any direction? I’m listening to Bach, thinking of wooden train station benches. Lights within lights, flares in all the corners. I hate when someone I don’t know carries the same silhouette as someone I do know who is dead. It’s always disappointing when they step into the light. 

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Streak

It wasn’t the best day at work today. I’m still sick. But at least I was there long enough to break my losing streak in chess. I’m still having problems with those same twenty pages of script. I have to turn pages in soon, so I’m starting to stress over it. Over the weekend, I told Amirah about a friend of mine who recently lied to me about something. This person doesn’t realize I know the truth. It’s been bugging me for a couple of months now. I was glad Amirah understood why I should feel affected by this lie.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Dull


I basically spent the whole day in bed today. I can’t remember the last time I slept for so many hours. I only got up to eat and use the bathroom. I don’t even remember if I watched anything on television. I looked at the internet now and then. I found a couple of articles that made me want to go on the Sad Planeteer blog to bitch about Rick Santorum, but I didn’t have the energy. Maybe tomorrow. Ashley completed her chemotherapy. I’m happy about that. I hope she’s feeling well soon. Sleeping is dull work. Back to bed.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Go


Today, I learned someone from our college days died. The cause of death has yet to be confirmed. I feel bad. I feel guilty. I remember harboring shitty feelings toward him when we were in school. I saw on a thread that another friend mentioned this is the second loss in a few days. I’m scared to know who the first was. We were all so young then. We’re supposedly still young but time marches and all that shit. I don’t like it. I wish I could have done something for him. I wish we could go back and stay.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Twenty


I wrote like shit today. I went to coffee with the intention of reaching page sixty, but am still under fifty pages. I keep rewriting the same twenty pages. It’s difficult to move on and just write the subsequent pages because the characters’ choices on those pages are contingent on the ones that precede them. I guess in that sense, I just don’t know what it is that I want to do. Since I had the day off work, I had higher hopes. I don’t really have anything else to report. The soy jerky I ate today was just okay.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Bucketlist


My goal this year is to complete two items on my bucketlist. Today, I completed one, perhaps the easiest one, but one nonetheless. I sent in a secret to PostSecret. This morning, Kyrie and I went to breakfast at a place I doubt we will ever eat at again. In the afternoon, we saw The Woman in Black. I liked a lot about it. In the evening, Kyrie and I headed up to Hollywood to pick up Cynthia, and the three of us had dinner at Café Gratitude. It was a long wait, but the olive tapinade was worth it. 

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Platform


I took a train to San Diego today; Amirah was in southern California for the weekend, visiting family. She met me at the train station, and we walked around Old Town looking for a restaurant to have lunch.


We only had a couple of hours together but in that time we were able to discuss so many things in our lives before it was time to hug and kiss goodbye on the train platform, as I got back on a northbound train. I passed out asleep when I got home, and missed Amie’s party. I need to apologize to her. 

Friday, February 17, 2012

Greek


I lost a game of chess today at work, and am in the process of losing a second game that should conclude on Tuesday when we’re back in the office. After work, Kyrie and I went to Hollywood to have our belated Valentine’s dinner. We ate too much. I thought I was going to vomit. After dinner we briefly saw Jessica to give her these Grand Marnier truffles we got from the restaurant, and then went out to coffee at Cynthia’s store. This story on NPR about Greek theater productions involving their debt crisis made me laugh until it hurt. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Pissy


I was in a pissy mood for most of the day today. I think it largely had to do with forgetting my glasses at home today; my eyes were strained and I got a headache. I talked to Sarah today; I’m glad she’s in my life still after all these years. She wasn’t feeling good, and so it was nice to feel like I was actually some help to her. Went to the chiropractor after work. I don’t know if it’s worth the time or money; I’ll have to wait and see. I wasn’t selected for jury duty this week. 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Too


Work was productive today, blah blah blah. After work, I saw my psychologist. We talked about a few things: a new friend I may have gotten too close to too soon; my bucketlist; dying in Mongolia; my estranged sister; pineapples; my relationship with Kyrie; and my intimacy issues. After that session, I saw my psychiatrist. Surprisingly, we didn’t argue today. I got refills on all my meds, with no new meds and no dosage changes. I wrote well today, but I’m starting to feel the pressure of the upcoming deadlines. I promised myself to get back in the gym. Tired.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's


I left work early to come home so Kyrie could open her Valentine’s presents before having to go to work herself. I planned to give them to her before I went to work, but she was too sleepy. Because of our schedules, we’re waiting until Friday to have our Valentine’s dinner together. I wrote to page forty-two today on my script. That’s more than I expected, so I feel good. I haven’t been to the gym for a couple of weeks, so I feel bad about that, but it’s hard to work, write, and exercise all in the same day.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Scenes


My day began with a phone call at 1:30 a.m. I talked for a while, but had to call back at 4:30 a.m. I was in the office by then. I had a long day at work and then went to see my chiropractor. It felt good when he cracked the shit out of my spine. I added a couple of short scenes to my script today. One of them is morbid. I’m hoping it evokes something close to viscerally horrifying.  I’m hoping the other scene is funny. I finished the book about pineapples my shrink and I are reading.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Forty-five


I wrote well today. I finished the first act yesterday and am now seven pages into my second act. That’s good for me because usually pages thirty to forty-five are the most difficult for me to feel enthusiastic about. I think these pages came out pretty okay. Yelena and Orly are still playing quite nicely off of each other. I’m hoping they’ll make me cry by the end of it all. I talked to Disco on the phone this evening. That was nice. It’s not every day that I get to hear her voice.  I want to go to Uruguay. 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Club


Kyrie and I were out doing stuff for most of the day today. We slept late, but then went out for muffins and orange juice. I treated her to a cut and color and so she went to a salon while I sat in a restaurant writing with a cup of coffee and a vegan club sandwich. We came back home but didn’t stay long. We headed up to Little Tokyo for vegan sushi and then to Doomie’s for dessert. We stopped to see Elo and pick up tax paperwork and then to bring Cynthia a vegan croissant and brownie.  

Friday, February 10, 2012

Behind


I worked a twelve-hour day today. By the end, I was mentally exhausted, but I got so much done that I was pretty happy. I also had a great comeback in the chess game played at my desk. After work, I waited for Kyrie to go on lunch. We had sandwiches together. I wrote for the rest of the evening. The script is really coming along, but I feel terribly behind. I’m worried I won’t have it completed before my next writer meeting. I talked to Kyle Saylor today. We discussed eating pineapples and working together on a new project. 

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Guilty


I’ve been sharing the scored version of “The Vow” with people involved with the film. It was scored by Severa Miles. I’m hoping to get the opinions of the people involved before the opinions of others. I’ve been listening to Hope Sandoval all day, with the Warm Inventions or Mazzy Star. It’s a nice mood to be in. I was thinking about B_____ tonight. I laughed to myself in the car because of something Steve Gaudette said. I told Kyrie a story about Gote. So many dead. All of them important. It’s hard to not feel guilty for being alive.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Warm


I had my spine adjusted by a chiropractor for the first time today. The movements used to crack my back surprised me. It felt good momentarily, but then the relief of it dissipated. I’m going to have to go back there a lot over the next six weeks. Kyrie and I purchased our plane tickets for our trip next month to visit her family in Massachusetts. I talked her into getting a big huge full size rental car. Tonight, while she’s at yoga, I’m writing. I just downloaded two albums by Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions to write to.

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Scribbled


I decided on a title for my Yelena and Orly script. I narrowed it down to either The Scribbled Victims or The Victim Scribbles. I asked Twitter and Facebook friends, and they unanimously chose the name I was leaning against. Go figure. But I’ll take their advice and go with The Scribbled Victims. I feel excited about it. It’s really starting to take shape; I just hope I have enough time to reach a second draft before the Nicholl’s competition. A third draft would be divine. And I would love to have enough time to rewrite Forever Candy as well.

Monday, February 06, 2012

Weakening


Is it possible to work too hard at a desk job? Sometimes I plow through so much stuff in a day that I feel mentally wiped out. I don’t know if it’s always been like this. Maybe mentally I’m just weakening. I’m still trying to figure out what to do for Jessica’s birthday this year. At least I have Valentine’s Day worked out with Kyrie. I hope she thinks the thing I got her is as pretty as I do. I’m having a slight bit of drama via text messages right now. I don’t know how it came to this. 

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Shame


Today was the Super Bowl, which means I spent the day with Kyrie at the movies. We saw three films: Agneepath, Shame, and One for the Money. I enjoyed two of them and hated one. I’d also like to see the original of one and read the script for another and absolutely forget the third. We had vegan pizza and then vegan cookies, so that rounded out the day. I wish we had time to see a fourth film, but it was already past my bedtime after the third. I didn’t write today, and so I feel guilty about that.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Velvet


I skipped The Velvet Underground’s “Pale Blue Eyes,” when my iPod shuffled to it in the car. Immediately after it was This Mortal Coil’s version of “Another Day,” so I decided to leave it alone and let it play. I don’t know if I’m getting tattooed tomorrow, because when I made the appointment, I didn’t know it was Super Bowl Sunday, so I don’t know if my tattoo artist will be available. I’ve failed to get in touch with him. I’m spending today outlining the second act of my still nameless script. I think I have the major beats down.

Friday, February 03, 2012

Withdrawing


I haven’t communicated with my closest friends for days. I miss them. I don’t know if I’m withdrawing, but I’m starting to suspect it because I stayed home from work again today. I was in bed the entire day, watching Netflix streaming. Sev finished scoring “The Vow,” but I have yet to listen to it because she made me promise not to listen to it until I had better speakers. (I recently got rid of my good speakers because they took up too much space.) So I’m shopping for new speakers or new headphones. My spiders seem fat and happy. 

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Out


My health coach was happy that I successfully did not eat out on any weekdays since our first phone call. We decided to continue doing this, but we adjusted it slightly so I can eat out on Friday nights, but in exchange I gave up Sunday nights. I got a pass for Valentine’s Day and other holidays too. I left work early though; I’m still not feeling great. I also lost the chess game that has been going on at my desk since Monday. I’m still trying to get my head around the session I had with my shrink yesterday. 

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Realization


I stayed home from work;I’m still not feeling well and believe I’m contagious. I cancelled on my personal trainer too. I still had to see my orthodontist and psychologist. Good news from my orthodontist: I get to have my braces on for another three to five months. I had a significant session with my psychologist. I had a realization that seems so obvious that I’m embarrassed it took me sixteen years to conclude. I’m thoroughly disappointed with the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation for not standing up for women. They’ve betrayed people everywhere who supported the foundation.