Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Fuck. I’m getting sick again. I can taste it in my throat. Gross. I went to work today, but left early; I don’t know if I’m going to make it in tomorrow. In a chess match, I lost my queen very early, but somehow came back to win without taking many pieces. The scene I’ve been working on for the past two days is getting long, so I’ll have trim some of it away. Just watched this show on the Zetas drug cartel. It makes me afraid to go near the Mexican border. Television can make the world appear hopeless. 

Monday, January 30, 2012


So far, Yelena and Orly play well together. It’s Christmas for them, and they’re celebrating it in the hospital. They’re about to make a pact. They might even be writing more of themselves than I am. That’s what I did tonight. In the day, I got to work extra early, around 4:30. I’ve gotten completely caught up with all of my projects and now I’m basically waiting on others in order to keep moving forward. I didn’t crave pineapples today. In organizing Cynthia’s taxes today, I realized that her papers smell like her perfume. Paper should always smell like perfume. 

Sunday, January 29, 2012


The games of chess I’ve been playing at my desk might be paying off. I won two out of three of my matches this morning. I’m not sure if strategically I’m getting better, but I’ve learned to focus more. No pineapples today. Oddly, the thought of eating pineapples made me feel numb. I watched the latest episode of Jersey Shore. I’m glad Vinny is back. The rest of the day I spent writing. It didn’t go as well as yesterday, but I did get the foundation written to a difficult scene. I’ll probably scrap most of the dialogue. Big deal.  

Saturday, January 28, 2012


Today was better than yesterday. I got rid of all the pineapples in the house. Kyrie and I did a group exercise class at noon. I failed at nearly everything, but Kyrie was able to plank long enough to win a competition. After I showered, I headed to the office and began filing tax returns for some of my friends. I took a break and met Kyrie for lunch. When I returned to the office, I worked on my script. I wrote pretty well today, and the script expanded into a direction I had not expected. Yelena is writing herself. 

Friday, January 27, 2012


P is for pineapple and pineapple is for P. I’ve been working with my therapist about my problems with intimacy and addiction to pineapples. The harder I work, the harder it gets. Today was not a great day. I got to work early, and someone’s mood there rubbed me the wrong way. I finished a part of the project I’ve been working on sooner than I expected, but as a result I was mentally exhausted. Feeling frustrated, I vented on Kyrie like an asshole. After a short nap, we went to Hollywood, but the frustration lasted until we got home. 

Thursday, January 26, 2012


I took a sleeping pill last night. It was the first time in months. I hope this isn’t a new chapter of insomnia. I went back to writing in the early morning. Ordinarily, I prefer to write in the late afternoon, but with work, therapy sessions, going the gym, and not eating out on weekdays, it’s become difficult to have both the time and the energy to manage afternoon writing sessions. So I’m going to write before my day begins. I’m excited; when I get home, all I have to do is read. Why didn’t I think of this before?

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


Today was good. I got a lot done at work and have a good momentum going. I’m actually looking forward to working more on my project tomorrow. I went to the gym after work and worked out with my trainer, Joaquin. He pushed me until it was embarrassing, where my body was shaking and I couldn’t lift anymore. After the training session, I went to do my cardio. Twenty-two minutes in, I pulled my left calf muscle. I tried to ride it out, but couldn’t. I had to stop and stretch. I wonder if that means I worked too hard.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Today was good. I talked to Derrek and received motivation to write more aggressively. I also set up a chessboard at my desk, and throughout the day, a co-worker and I make moves and signal each other when it’s the other person’s turn. I lost yesterday’s match, but won two matches today. I went to the gym tonight but only completed half of my cardio. I needed my inhaler and didn’t have it with me. I’m supposed to use it every day, but I usually forget. I talked to Rachel Torrey this afternoon; she made me feel better about yesterday.

Monday, January 23, 2012


I saw something disturbing today. It’s burned in my memory and the thought of it makes me want to puke. It’s not violent, but the feeling I’m left with makes me think of what it feels like to see someone executed. I want to call my shrink and ask for an extra session, but I don’t think it will do any good. If she can’t erase it from my memory immediately, I’ll just have to wait until I can stop seeing it in my mind. On another note, I scoured YouTube for versions and covers of Roy Harper’s “Another Day.”

Sunday, January 22, 2012


I finally wrote today. That was good in itself, but a little counterproductive as some of what I had written got restructured unintentionally. I’ll just have to see how it turns out. It’s weird though, I don’t usually have such difficulty while writing first acts. In the morning, I lost three games of chess. I’m really sucking at it. In the evening I went to the gym. I’m getting stronger, but I didn’t work my hardest during cardio. Anyhow, I’m glad I was able to drag myself there. I talked to Elo today. I’m still hoping Disco will call tonight. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012


I didn’t write again today. For some reason I’m being lazy. This is not good, because if I stop writing, I’ll get depressed which will then make it more difficult to write in the first place. I didn’t do much at all for the whole day except cook, eat, and lie around. In the evening, Kyrie and I drove up and visited Cynthia. We ate at Doomie’s for dinner and then browsed at Amoeba until Rotny got off work. I bought a DVD from the dollar bin that I already intend to use as a white elephant gift this year.

Friday, January 20, 2012


I left work at 10:30 a.m. so Kyrie and I could get massages. We had the same masseur. We both thought he talked too much. He hummed when he wasn’t talking. I got more ass-play than I’m used to getting during a massage. Apparently one butt cheek had more tension than the other. After the massage we got our car washed. The antenna was bent in the process. I didn’t write today so that was lame, but I did work on some stuff for my shrink. At night, I watched Jersey Shore and read until it was time for bed. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012


Today was sort of blah. I’m still doing well with not eating out on weekdays. My health coach should be happy. The two hour meeting I wasn’t looking forward to ended up being nonproductive, yet after the meeting all the work that needed to get done was completed. I signed my nephew up for a class where he will learn survival skills, specifically how to make weapons out of stuff found in nature. Not my kind of thing, but he’s excited. Kyrie made tacos for dinner; they were good. After dinner, I worked on my laptop until I fell asleep.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


My session with my psychologist this afternoon was a little discouraging. With the stuff we’re working on, soon I will have to do some difficult stuff I don’t want to do. I could say I’m not ready, and in some respects maybe that’s true, but I think we arrived at this juncture because I am ready. I had a phone conversation with my new health coach today. We set a goal to not eat out on a weekday until our next phone call on February second. My workout at the gym today was good. Things feel like they’re getting easier. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


I’m close to having a solid structure for this script. I don’t know how long I wrote today, but it was a while. I’ll have to put it down so I can sleep on some of the changes I made. Other than that, I spent my day at work, talking to Sev online, and watching the latest episode of Jersey Shore. Recently, I’ve been experiencing stuff that will cause my psychiatrist to bump up the dosage of the med I don’t want to be on. That’ll suck. Hi, Sarah. Sorry we didn’t get to talk at the same time today.

Monday, January 16, 2012


I had a tiny breakthrough with my script this afternoon. I’m twisting the plot a little which should change the way the characters pull at each other. It will also change the midpoint of the script. I don’t know if it will work once I begin writing this new version, but currently it feels more structured. I ate lots of tofu today and two salads. My trainer told me I did well today after our workout. Maybe I’ll start dropping the weight I gained back over the holidays. My newish doctor prescribed something with no generic. Someone’s on the take.

Sunday, January 15, 2012


I was out for most of the day today. My morning began with four losses in chess. I wrote outside by a fountain while waiting for Farishta. We saw Contraband. She liked it more than I did. After the film I went home and watched a Bruce Lee movie until Kyrie got off work. We went to the late showing of Carnage, which was entertaining. In the lobby, I concluded I’ve been thinking too much when I write; I’ve lost a lot freedom to form, and consequently I don’t write with the same love for it as I once did. 

Saturday, January 14, 2012


I guess I needed to catch up on sleep I didn’t know I had missed, because after breakfast I slept for nearly three more hours. Later I went up to Hollywood to see Jessica in her new place. We went out for dinner at Doomie’s. I blasted Billy Idol the whole drive home.  B_____, I was thinking that we were too young to have ever lasted, but I think we would have still been friends today. If you don’t already know, I must admit that on MY DRIVE home I was mad at you for an instant for dying. Sorry.

Friday, January 13, 2012


Today has been good. I didn’t recover everything I lost on my computer, but I got most of it back, and there’s only one important file lost. I went out to lunch with coworkers. I went to the gym after work and had a really good workout. For dinner, I ate spinach, tofu, and rice. It was tres yums. I feel very clean inside. I’m sleepy, but have to leave in a few minutes to pick up Kyrie. Lauren tried very hard to talk me into going to Das Bunker tonight, but I don’t know if I’m up for it.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


Happy birthday, M___. Can you believe it’s been nearly nineteen years since we met? I hope your special day was much better than mine. I accidentally deleted a bunch of files on my laptop and spent hours attempting to recover them. I played White Heat in the background so I’d have something to look at while waiting for various processes to complete, so I wouldn’t go crazy staring at the status bars. I didn’t even go to the gym because I was so preoccupied. Come to think of it, I didn’t read anything either, but at least I did write.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


I had trouble sleeping last night and woke still feeling stressed. It affected my workday; I had many calculations to make and I only finished half of them. The upside is that I didn’t reach for a Klonopin . I cheered myself up throughout the workday by repeatedly watching this parody of a Rick Perry commercial. I laughed so much that my stomach muscles became sore. After work, I went to the gym and had a really hard workout with my trainer, and pushed myself a little more during my cardio. Now I’m home, and so it’s time to write.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


It was another good day today. I got a whole lot done at work, and when I got home I wrote well, and I also skipped the gym. I’m really enjoying the script I’m working on. I still have no title for it. I never knew vampires could be so fun to write about. I ate a huge dinner tonight in preparation for the blood test I have to give in the morning. I won’t be allowed to eat eight hours prior to the test, and I normally have breakfast at 5 a.m. I’m having my cholesterol tested. Yay genetics.

Monday, January 09, 2012


It was good to be back in the office today not feeling sick. My whole day was productive. Crossed out items on my to do list. Got caught up with my personal correspondence. Read quite a bit of a book discussed in therapy on sexual addiction. I wrote—not a ton, but I’m trying to write everyday, even if it’s short, just to stay in touch with the script. Went to the gym and worked out too hard. I guess I’m not completely over my illness yet. I ended my cardio early because I thought I was going to faint.

Sunday, January 08, 2012


Strong winds blew over the chess pieces during my first match with Paul this morning. That sucked because I was positioned well. We moved inside for the next two games and each won one. I went out to lunch with Kyrie after. We both ordered breakfasts. A woman in the restaurant kept looking at me; it seemed like the perfect makings of a Craigslist Missed Connection. I’ve been writing the same scene for three days now. I haven’t found the voice of my protagonist’s BFF. I’m happy I’m feeling well enough to go back to work tomorrow. I hate slacking.

Saturday, January 07, 2012


I’m still not a hundred percent well, but the antibiotics are certainly helping. I spent the day cleaning and watching old Warner Bros. gangster movies—The Public Enemy, Little Caesar, and The Roaring Twenties. I’ve been a fan of James Cagney for years, but I really enjoyed Edward G. Robinson’s performance as Rico more than I had on previous viewings. My upcoming reading list will include books about sex, as it seems to be a topic my psychologist wants us to focus on. Pornography has desensitized me to a large extent. On top of that are the effects of antidepressants.