Saturday, December 31, 2011


This year ends in a few hours. 2011 was a pretty good year for me, except in the writing department. I had a serious writer’s block, followed by depression when “Forever Candy” didn’t turn out to be the stellar script I had hoped for. I’m hoping next year I will complete something with greater success. I don’t know what I’m doing tonight. I was invited to a few things, but I don’t know. I’m hoping 2011 will be remembered positively for the #Occupy movement. Personally, this year will be remembered for family fighting, Lurasidone, and being introduced to Jersey Shore.

Friday, December 30, 2011


I didn’t write enough today. I may be getting sick again. I went to the gym in the morning, and my trainer saw I wasn’t feeling so great and let me off easy. He calls me “Big Rob” which I don’t like, and says his goal is to be able to call me “Medium Rob.” I went to Berkeley Dogs with my family in the afternoon. I was thinking someone would order one of their exotic meats like rattlesnake or alligator, but they all chickened out. I fell asleep while talking to a friend about her experiences with uncircumcised penises.

Thursday, December 29, 2011


My personal trainer beat the hell out of me. I had it coming. I missed nearly a month of training due to illness and then laziness. I had an awful sandwich afterwards, and then was so worn out that I had to nap. In the evening, Kyrie and I drove up to LA. She visited Cynthia, I went to see Elo and have dinner with Sarah. We met up with Kyrie, Cynthia, and Lulu, and Lulu gave me a Christmas gift against my wishes, but it was thoughtful of her. It was a Detroit Tigers necklace: a D for deadponies.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


Most of my day was spent inside movie theaters. Kyrie and I saw three films. I was disappointed with all of them. Young Adult lacked character development and was boring to look at, but did have a thought provoking speech near the film’s end. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy was too convoluted for me to follow with any great interest. I would never make a good spy; there would be too many people to have to know. War Horse was the last film we saw, and it was irritatingly episodic and had a melodramatic ending reminiscent of Gone With the Wind.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


I don’t have much to report today. I went to the gym with Kyrie; I had a good workout. After a shower and lunch, I went to coffee to write. I was hoping to reach page thirty, but I only got as far as sixteen. For some reason the sequence of scenes in this script is relatively loose, that is, they can be shuffled fairly easily. I don’t believe that is a good thing because it means the next action isn’t contingent on the action that directly preceded it. I didn’t win the big lottery jackpot; but I won $139.

Monday, December 26, 2011


I’m worn. Tonight I went to a post-Christmas party that included Haiku writing and a white elephant gift of an adult dvd titled simply as “Asslickers.” In the morning, I went to the gym and then spent most of my day at coffee writing. I would have gotten more written had these imbeciles not been sitting within earshot. I deduced that each of these three morons believe in the possibility and certainty of a zombie apocalypse. My favorite overheard sentence was this one: “Zombies have residual memory. They’re going to go to the places they were familiar with, like Walmart.”

Sunday, December 25, 2011


Christmas. Kyrie and I exchanged gifts earlier than I expected. Generally, Kyrie prefers to sleep in when she can, but I guess that doesn’t apply to Christmas. Among the gifts I received: the new Dennis Cooper book, a film I’ve been too cheap to buy for myself (The Battle of Algiers), and an I heart JWOWW shirt. I can’t wait to wear it to a club. The gift I got my niece ended up being lame. I ate too much throughout the day and consequently, I feel bloated. I feel more inclined than ever to go back to the gym.

Saturday, December 24, 2011


I drove two hundred and thirty miles today delivering Christmas gifts to friends. Unfortunately, I returned with three still in my backseat. I’ll have to make arrangements for them later. It was nice getting to see so many faces all in the same day. Some opened their gifts in front of me, while others did not. I don’t mind either way. Later I had dinner at Doomie’s and then headed back to Orange County for some family stuff. Now, I’m finally home in bed with my laptop. It’s been a day without emails and Facebook; I should do it again.

Friday, December 23, 2011


It was a good first day off. I ran errands before having lunch with Todd, who’s in town for the holidays. After Kyrie got off work we drove up to NoHo to give Cynthia her Christmas presents from Kyrie. What I ordered for Cynthia is still in transit from Israel. Josh (Cynthia’s housemate) and I had a good laugh talking about urinals and jerk off video arcade booths. Kyrie and Cynthia occupied themselves with a plethora of tiny food erasers from Japan. The four of us then went to Toi to see Jessica. We had four orders of vegan eggrolls.

Thursday, December 22, 2011


Today is my last work day of 2011. The campus will be closed as of tomorrow until the New Year. I plan to spend the days off writing my new script, reading books, seeing films, and visiting friends. I’m also hoping to get back to the gym. Ever since I was sick, I’ve been lazy and avoiding it. I already feel fatter and I’m not having those amazing boners anymore. I am having fun writing my new script though. My psychologist this week could tell I was happy with what I’m writing. The story seems to develop on its own.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


I haven’t donated to the Lustgarten Foundation since the days immediately following your memorial. I continue to receive emails and snail mail from them. I don’t unsubscribe from their mailings because they make me think of you, and at your memorial your brother asked that we think of you from time to time, to remember you and honor your memory. I think of you sometimes on my own, but these mailings ensure it happens regularly. I’ve thought of other dead friends these past couple days. I saw a look-alike on the freeway yesterday. I see my shrink in two hours.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Today I read an article that suggested the possibility that Brittany Murphy may have died from mold in her home. That upset me. The media made her seem like a pill junkie, and now it might turn out to have been something that wasn’t her fault. I left work around 3:15 p.m. today; Kyrie didn’t have to work so we drove all the way out to Rancho Cucamonga to a vegan grocery store she found online. I ate vegan beef jerky on the way home. We just had vegan nachos for dinner. We also bought a vegan ham for Christmas.

Monday, December 19, 2011


I ate three bagels today. I haven’t been to the gym in a couple of weeks. I’m feeling shitty about myself physically. Mentally, I feel pretty good. I’m not happy or anything silly like that, but I’m writing well and enjoying all the reading time I’ve been giving myself. My current script has become fun to write, but still has too many options and I don’t know in which direction to take it. I want to do everything. I think I like writing this script because there are shrink sessions in it. But like everyone says, write what you know.

Sunday, December 18, 2011


Paul beat me in three games of chess this morning, and requested I include his victory trifecta in my blog. So there you go, Paul. After my final defeat, I stayed at coffee and wrote more of my untitled script. I made progress on the scene I struggled with yesterday. I’m hoping to spend the remainder of my day reading. I’m longing to get out of town. Elo told me her move to Seattle is likely to happen next year. The older I get, the more I feel I can leave California without missing it. I’d miss many people though.

Saturday, December 17, 2011


I think I have an ear infection. I’m trying to rest before going to LA tonight for my friend Rachel’s Extreme Futurist Festival, but I don’t know if I’m feeling up to it. I wrapped the remaining gifts that arrived, including three for Kyrie, since she’s at work. Right now I’m writing my vampire screenplay with Buffalo ’66 playing in the background. I made another major change to the plot and am hoping it will raise the stakes. Disco texted me the sweetest thank you for her birthday gift. She opened it four days early and is already wearing it.

Friday, December 16, 2011


I’ve been sad today. I’ve been missing my dead friends and feeling like I’ve aged too much to have accomplished so little. I left work an hour early because Farishta texted me. I didn’t get to see her on her birthday, so we went out to dinner. We sat talking for a long time after we ate. She always makes me laugh. I think the waitress was eavesdropping on us, and might have been interested in her, but she isn’t lipstick enough for her. We’ve both been feeling the desire to leave California. She’s considering both Washingtons; I’m considering one.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


Okay, highlight of the day: I heard Rachel Torrey’s voice. We met online back in the MySpace days, but have never met in person nor spoken by phone. Today, I tried phoning her in an urgent attempt to get her to check her text messages, but hung up. She called back and left a voicemail. I’d heard her voice once before on a web interview related to an exhibit she was curating, but today sounded different than I remember. I like it. I think I’ll go listen to it again. Weird, she just called again and sung me a song.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


I’m done with all my Christmas shopping. Now I just have a bunch of stuff to wrap, deliver, or mail. My friend Marie told me she would be the wrong person for me because I needed someone who reads a lot and is an intellectual whereas she likes Lil Wayne and dogs in sweaters. Today she didn’t have a change of heart, but she did have a change of opinion of me when she saw my Amazon wishlist and the Jersey Shore items I had on it. I’ve been taking lunches during the workday recently. It makes the day nicer.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


My Christmas shopping is nearly done. I only have one more gift to order. I’ve been lucky this year. I’ve gotten a few more of my friends to create Amazon wishlists, so that makes it easy to pick things out. I’m looking forward to the campus closure at the end of this month. Nothing sounds better than spending a few days catching up on a ton of reading. I know it won’t really be like that though. I already have a pretty full calendar through the end of the year. But oh well, I will get to see many friends.

Monday, December 12, 2011


I confessed a fear regarding my writing to M___ today. It felt strange to confide in her again after all these years. I don’t know if she realized the importance to me, but I guess there isn’t a consequence either way. It wasn’t a good day at work. It was raining out, and so I would have preferred to be outdoors or at coffee or at the movies. After work, Kyrie and I went out to dinner and then someplace else for dessert and Spanish hot chocolate. I chatted with Iballa this evening; that was unexpected but a nice surprise.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


I actually beat Paul in our first game of chess. Our second game I should have lost, but was able to pull off a stale mate. Danny, the young boy who now plays with us must have been practicing. He got a stale mate against Paul too, and checkmated me outright. Since then, I’ve basically been listening to Hope Sandoval sing while writing scenes for my new script. I’ve decided to listen to her exclusively while writing the entire film just to set the right mood. I put her photo on my desktop. I’ve even taken to writing to candlelight.

Saturday, December 10, 2011


I had a good morning; Sarah called and she was happy. I could tell before she finished her first sentence. I’m happy she decided to go out last night. I saw two films today: The Artist and My Week with Marilyn. I thought the first was especially pretty to look at. I wrote today which was important because I’ve been slipping again into becoming afraid to write in script format. I only have eight pages so far and no title. I’m having headaches. I received a message from M___ on my way out tonight. I wish I could hold her.

Friday, December 09, 2011


I worked a long day today, but got a lot done. It’s strange to go into work when it is still dark out and to leave when it is again dark. This must be what farmers feel like. I also am nearly done with my Christmas shopping for this year. I spoke to Sarah for a long time; I’m hoping we are friends for a long time. I told her that in the next life, which unfortunately I don’t believe in, I’m hoping that I will be a sea anemone and she a clown fish. Yeah, that’s what I want.

Thursday, December 08, 2011


Pills. This morning I had a soy latte, a coke, and a Ritalin. I was so jittery that I was relieved when it was finally lunch. Throughout the day, I had an upsetting email exchange with one of my sisters. By the time it ended, I took a Klonopin and after about twenty-five minutes, I took another. Even as I write this, I want a third. I am upset today, and I don’t like it. Disco and I have been talking a lot, that has been comforting; she’s good to me. The Christmas gifts I’ve ordered are beginning to arrive.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011


My primary care physician asked my sexual orientation today. I asked the relevance. I thought his explanation was flimsy. It’s time to fire him. His waiting room is really ugly anyway. Later, I bitched to my shrink about my family for the entire session. I don’t know if I should be offended that she seemed to take such interest in one of my family members. But I guess after six years, she must be tired of me. Tonight, I have to go to the first of three Christmas parties for my job. I’m 47% done with this year’s Christmas shopping.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011


I’m still not well. I went to work briefly today, completed the things I needed to get done, and went back home to rest. Power was scheduled to be out for hours, meaning I couldn’t even watch Jersey Shore. Sammi is acting a fool again, thinking Ronnie has changed overnight. Anyway, I had to go back out. I forgot I needed a white elephant gift for our office party tomorrow. I had a long phone conversation with Jessica today; I had a longer one with Elo last night. Something upsetting is making its rounds amongst my friends. Power’s back on.

Monday, December 05, 2011


I miss my friend Steve Gaudette. I want to hear him say some crude joke and watch him laugh. I want to go to lunch. I so detest the thought of him dead. All gone, and all eaten up underground. I thought of him while sitting on the toilet. He would find that funny. Once I walked out of our office bathroom and he commented that I was wearing eau de shitter spray. It feels unfair, but there is no such thing as fair. The universe is random and I’m still in it and I detest that he is not.

Sunday, December 04, 2011


I’m still ill, but nearing the end of it. I feel like I wasted my entire weekend, but it’s better now than during the week. I cooked for myself today, so that was something. But other than that, all I’ve done is watch more Jersey Shore. I’ve been running these words through my mind; it was something said by a friend whose opinion I hold in high regard, about one of my other friends. The assessment was fair; I’ve felt similarly. But it shows me that it’s noticeable when I turn a blind eye when it comes to my friends.

Saturday, December 03, 2011


I spent nearly the entire day in bed. I’m still sick. The only time I left bed and the Jersey Shore, was to eat, go to the bathroom, buy more medicine, and pick Kyrie up from work. I was also able to do some of my Christmas shopping from bed. Laptops are so convenient. I don’t feel like I’m putting on weight during this illness, so that is at least a relief. I should have read more today. I should have written more than that tiny scene I worked on. I still don’t have a title for this new script.

Friday, December 02, 2011


I’m still ill, but I went into the office to get some things written that need to be made public on Monday. It’s amazing how tiresome sitting at a desk can be when you’re not feeling well. Just staring at a computer screen can be exhausting. I left early and went home to rest. I feel bad for Kyrie; she doesn’t have the same flexibility as I do to leave work when she’s sick, but fortunately her employer sent her home to rest. I didn’t know she was coming home early so she caught me in bed watching Jersey Shore.

Thursday, December 01, 2011


I’m more ill than yesterday. I didn’t go to work in the morning, but emailed my boss stating I would come by to get some papers from my desk to bring home so I could meet my Monday deadline. I got a message from him telling me to take the whole day off. It seems our building was evacuated because of some sort of threat. Fuckstick Terry Jones announced he was going to speak on campus, I imagine because of the Muslim Student Union’s prominence there. Kyrie took care of me and we watched many episodes of the Twilight Zone.