Monday, October 23, 2017


I drafted a contract today. Waiting for signatures. When I wrote this afternoon, I wrote about another kind of contract—blood oaths. I like where this chapter is going. I still feel so cut off from my friends. I’m starting to feel like I don’t have friends. I just have l___ and Orly. I’d feel better about that if I were abroad, but I’m not. I just overmedicated again today while listening to The Velvet Underground. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I know she’s going to be overly apologetic for canceling last week. I don’t even want to hear it.

Sunday, October 22, 2017


I had an okay writing day today. Just under 500 new words. I posted a new blog on The Scribbled Victims website. Listened to Imagine today and wondered who would ever kill John Lennon? I thought a lot about the friends I lost this year. This year of ghosting. Maybe I’m disappearing too, but I think I’m still responsive. My Instagram feed is becoming progressively sexualized. I’m thinking of starting my back piece tattoo. I always thought it would be Japanese maple leaves and a samurai committing seppuku. It’s so me, but maybe it’s just pushing me closer to suicide.

Saturday, October 21, 2017


I slept in because I knew when I woke I would have to get ready for my coworker’s funeral. When I arrived I was the first one inside the parish. Eventually another coworker came and we had a very frank talk. Everyone else was inside the church for the funeral mass that I chose not to attend as I’m not religious. I feel so bad for my coworker. She lived for only three months of her retirement. The fact that it doesn’t seem to be uncommon for retirements to be short lived in our building is depressing. Asbestos I hear.

Friday, October 20, 2017


Based on what I’m learning about Amazon search results, I wasn’t strategic enough when I titled my book The Scribbled Victims. The most popular vampire series on Amazon right now, by far, is the A Shade of Vampire Series by Bella Forrest. I notice now that there is a newer series called Vampire’s Shade by Vivienne Neas. Search for the first series and the second series will appear in the results. I’m wondering now if Bella Forrest did the same thing to capitalize off the fame of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. I should have written Fifty Shaded Scribbles.